A Place To Belong
by Airhead259
Summary: Claire struggles to find a place to think, and a place to belong.


_I'm already behind, so I'll keep this short and sweet. Here's my prompt for Week 2's theme - **Define()**_

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A Place To Belong

Whenever Claire needed to clear her head, she would seek out a place to think.

The roof used to be her favourite place — the sight of the rolling hills surrounding their house was always gorgeous, especially when the weather wasn't overcast, and it would only take a few minutes for her to settle in and focus on the sights and sounds around her. However, that spot had been quickly discovered by her sister's boisterous husband, who had since insisted on joining her for a snack every time he found her up there. As much as she'd grown fond of Snow and his presence, she didn't need him constantly interrupting her quiet time. Especially not while he was also munching on potato chips.

After that, she tried the patio behind the house. The cool night-time breeze was always refreshing, and it gave her the perfect view of the lake, particularly on days when she could appreciate how beautiful the full moon looked reflected upon the surface of the water. Unfortunately, the patio was also quite public, and her sister liked to check up on her every now and then. Serah's presence was more steady and quiet than her husband's, but there was always a look of worry on her face during their occasional conversations. Claire understood why; between the two of them, Serah had always been the extrovert, surrounding herself with friends at school, at work, and even here in the new world. Claire could never expect Serah to understand her desire to recharge, and while she did appreciate the concern, she knew she had to find a new spot. Fast.

And so, she had decided to take on a risky endeavour. Claire was a bit of a local celebrity, what with her reputation in the old world, and though she didn't like to make a big deal out of it, it did give her a free pass to do whatever she wanted. So at night, she'd taken to riding her bicycle down to the local high school and sneaking onto the premises. She would hop the fence and slip in through the back door, then climb up the stairwell until she reached the large window between the second and third floors. There she would sit on the steps and stare out at the starry sky, hugging her knees to her chest.

It was only then, on calm nights like this one, that Claire would allow herself to think deeply about herself, and about the state of the world.

If she had to be completely honest, she didn't entirely understand why she needed to spend so much time on her own. Their current lives were idyllic compared to the ordeals they'd gone through in the past. She had a stable job as a security guard during the day, and she did amateur photography in her spare time. Her family didn't insist on constantly spending time with her — Serah left her alone most of the time, and although she and Snow had the same job, they worked different shifts. The others lived several miles away at the closest, and Hope was only ever over on weekends, since his job mostly confined him to the city. She spent most of her days alone to begin with.

So why did she feel the constant need to isolate herself?

As engrossed as she was in her thoughts, Claire's instincts never failed her. So when she heard the soft creak of the first floor stairwell door, her first instinct was to jump to her feet.

'Who else would come here at night?' she wondered to herself while trying to sneak further up the stairs. 'Did someone find me out? Trespassing is a pretty serious issue...I've arrested people for it myself. And I don't know how far the saviour card can get me.'

She continued to slink upstairs, synchronizing her movement with the sound of soft footsteps already echoing throughout the stairwell. Her posture grew more tense by the minute — there was no way she could get out of this...not unless she went all the way upstairs and jumped off the roof—

"Claire? Claire, are you here?"

Claire's shoulders slumped and she stopped moving. That voice was unmistakable — it was Hope.

"I'm here," she sighed, both relieved and frustrated as she revealed her position, stepping out of the shadows and walking down the stairs to meet him halfway.

Hope looked up at her and let out a breathy laugh. "You're safe!" he exclaimed, running a hand through his hair. "Thank goodness I found you."

Claire sighed, sitting down on a step and stretching her legs out. "Yeah, someone always does," she replied dryly. "Congratulations."

He moved closer and sat down next to her, nudging her shoulder with his slightly. "I'm sorry. I can leave if you want me to. I was just worried when I didn't see your bike out front like usual."

"That's all it took for you to figure out where I was?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Hope smiled an enigmatic smile. "Trade secret," he said smugly. "That, and bike tracks aren't hard to follow, especially when no one else is awake to leave any."

She groaned. "Next time I'll walk. Barefoot. And I'll make sure I cover up my tracks."

"Hey, I said I was sorry! It doesn't help when you're so obvious, Light." Her old nickname often slipped out when they were together like this. "If you wanna sneak around the right way, you need to do it so no one can never find you."

"Like in those cheesy cop movies you've been watching with Snow?"

Hope's grin grew wider. "What can I say? I can never resist a chance to watch the big guy cry."

At that, Claire finally let out a laugh of her own. "Alright, you're forgiven, and you can stay," she said, nudging his shoulder back; it'd been too long since they'd last had a lighthearted conversation like this. "At least making fun of Snow is something we'll always have in common."

"Heh. Guess so."

They both gazed out the window silently for a few moments. Claire had to admit to herself: she appreciated Hope's presence most of all. He was silent and comforting, much like her sister, but the two of them also had a kind of understanding that transcended words. It was almost as though they could read each other's thoughts, but not nearly as intrusive as that — rather, it was a kind of mutual respect, delicately filling the space between them until either of them decided that they wanted to speak.

And this time, Hope's voice was the first to cut through the silence.

"I'm gonna be honest, Light," he began, taking in a deep breath. "What you just said...it didn't sit well with me."

"I'll stop judging your taste in movies if you stop trying to track me down every time I vanish."

Hope shook his head, suddenly serious. "Not that. The thing about Snow." He bit his lip. "The way you said it was just...so final. Like something you'd say before you left on a journey or something."

Claire scoffed. "Well, I'm not going anywhere, that's for sure."

"That's the thing though." He turned to face her. "You may not be going anywhere physically, but I've noticed you've been keeping your distance from all of us."

She inhaled sharply. Apparently she was easier to read than she thought. 'Who else knows?'

"Serah's noticed too," Hope continued, always one step ahead of her. "She's been worried, and I told her to give you space to sort it out on your own. We both have faith in you, but…"

He fixed her with a serious stare. "You need to stop keeping everything to yourself, Light. You know we're here for you, right?"

Claire sighed. "I know, Hope," she said softly, lowering her gaze to look at her hands, her fingers entwined. "I just...I don't really know what I'm looking for myself."

She sat upright and pulled her knees to her chest once again. "In the old world, I never had a moment's rest. I was in the army, I was taking care of Serah, and then the Purge happened. During our entire journey across Cocoon, across Pulse, and eventually across time itself...there was never any time for me to really think about things. About my life. About myself. Who I really wanted to be. All those years, I had to think about who I needed to be instead.

But now that we're here, I feel like I don't fit in. I spent so much time thinking about my sister, about our friends, and about the world...I never gave a thought to what would come after. You, Serah, and Snow. Sazh, Dajh, Fang, Vanille. You've all found places in this world. But no matter what I do, nothing seems to be enough."

Claire licked her lips, forcing herself to say the words that came next. "This world doesn't need a knight, or a saviour anymore. This world doesn't need me."

"We both know that isn't true."

She snapped her head up to look at Hope once again. "I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't believe it," she said sharply. "I've had enough time to think about this on my own."

"Correction." Hope turned to her, his green eyes suddenly stone cold. "You've had too much time to think about this. And what is 'this', anyway? You're not planning anything drastic, are you?"

Claire's eyes grew wide. "Of course not," she replied, her tone icy enough to match his gaze. "You should know me better than that."

"Well, the further you push me away, the less I feel like I know you." Hope was still dead serious, but his lower lip quivered slightly. "I miss my best friend, Light, and Serah misses her sister. All you ever do these days is avoid us, and this is the reason why? Because you think you aren't good enough?"

"I...I never said…"

"Because you are," he continued, taking her gently by the shoulders. "Serah gave up her life for you in the old world. She would've done anything to get you back, just like you did for her. And me? Light, you...you're the most important person in my life now. I don't think I could ever repay everything you've done for me. I've told you this before, but you saved me more times than you'll ever know."

Embarrassed, she averted her gaze. "You saved me too, you know," she murmured under her breath.

"We saved each other," Hope added with a smile, shifting slightly so he could take her hands in his. "And I'd do it again. As many times as it takes."

She closed her eyes. "I'd do the same for you," she replied, leaning forward and resting her head against his collarbone. "Without a doubt."

"I know."

Claire let out a sigh. "But that still doesn't help me," she insisted. "I don't know what I want to do. Who I want to be."

"Maybe not," Hope agreed, "but now you have all the time in the world to figure it out. And you won't be alone. I said we'd be together, and I still meant it."

She felt his words more than she heard them, reverberating through his chest, and somehow that made them seem even more comforting. The more she thought about it, the more Claire realized that she didn't know how she'd gone through all these moments of solitude without him. Having him around was a comfort in itself.

"I'm an idiot," she said after a long pause, letting out a short laugh. "I kept this in for so long, but it all seems so silly now."

Hope shook his head. "It's not silly. You're used to internalizing things, is all. You just need to get better at complaining."

"And you need to stop being so mature, Mister Estheim," she said smoothly, finding it easier to adopt a more teasing tone.

"What can I say?" He shrugged. "I'm thousands of years old at this point. I have the knowledge of a few hundred wise old men."

"And maybe a little bit of the crazy, too," Claire retorted, pulling back and flicking him on the forehead. "Chasing after a security guard, and trespassing, all in one night? You should know better than that."

He grinner. "It's part of the 'we'll be together' package. Like it or not, you're stuck with me."

Claire smiled, her heart growing warm. "As long as that works both ways."


End file.
